Maria Levato 1/16/26 Maria Levato 1/16/26

Nerdology 101: Kink Safety for Beginners

Join Nerdology 101 host Maria Levato for this week’s segment on Kink Safety.

Have you wanted to try some of the kinks reading your smut has unlocked, but you’re not sure how to do so safely? Join me for an introduction to kink safety.

This blog post is intended for adults. It is not recommeded for those under the age of 18.

Hiii! Welcome back to Nerdology 101. I’m your host, Maria Levato, and this week we’ll be going over some kink basics for those who may wish to explore bits and pieces of their smutty fantasies in real life. Let’s get into some Nerdology!

Consent
The first and most important point is that when indulging in any form of sexual activity consent is key. Nothing you do not want to happen should be happening. For this reason, it’s best to define boundaries before any play begins. Talk to your partners. Be clear about what you’re looking for, what is and is not okay with you, what your expectations are, what kinds of aftercare you think you’ll need, and literally any other topics that will help define the situation.
Take it slow
Kink is not something you just wake up one day and start exploring at full-throttle. Doing that is extremely dangerous and could result in harm to you or your partner(s). While I don’t consider any kink totally “off-limits”, I do think there are steps. For example, if your interest is in impact play, you should probably try some light spanking before you pull out a whip. Liking the way you imagine a kink or a concept of a kink does not always equate to actually liking the kink itself. Sometimes, you want to try something, you do, and then you hate it in practice. Slowly building up to more intense play is an important step. This is even more important with certain roleplay-type kinks like CNC and Primal Play because you and your partner(s) need to have enough experience, trust, and communication built up to prevent a fun and healthy exploration of a fantasy from becoming an assault.
Learn from someone more experienced than you
First-timers are always welcome here, but experience is important. If neither you or your partner(s) have any, please find someone who does. You can do this by attending a munch, visiting a BDSM club as an observer, or discussing it with those at your local kink shop (in my experience, they are usually willing to help guide newbies—or provide them with resources that might help them). Many of the people you meet in these spaces have been doing this for years. They can give you general advice on safety, best practices, communication, questions you should ask that might not be so obvious, etc. They can also tell you ways certain tools should be used. Improper use of kinky devices can be risky.
Trust
We touched on this a little in the first point, but there’s more to say in this area in particular. Kink requires an extreme amount of trust. I don’t care if you’ve known someone a month or 10 years, if you cannot say with absolute certainty that they will a) stop when told, b) adhere to any lines you have, c) understand that what you allow them to do during play does not equate to how they’re expected to treat you outside of it, I do not advise engaging in kink with them. If these elements are not present, there’s not enough trust or respect for a kink dynamic to be implemented in a healthy way.
Beware of the Internet
The irony of telling you to be cautious about what you see/read/observe on the internet while speaking to you on the internet is not lost on me, but its also so important. Predators are abundant in the world, but they get amplified on the internet. Many of them use the words kink or BDSM as a broad cover for toxic, unhealthy, sickening behavior. The kink community does NOT condone this type of behavior. Don’t play with someone who uses “I’m a dominant” as an excuse to steamroll you. If you lean dominant, also don’t forget that subs should have lines and that being a dom/domme doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have lines too. In fact, you should have lines. If someone says something along the lines of “I’ll try anything”, they either haven’t thought this through or they’re making assumptions about what your “anything” entails. I’ve had people say that to me before, but when I question it and start throwing out kinks, they have to backtrack and think about it more. In order for clear communication to take place between partners, a certain amount of self-reflection also has to take place. No one should be okay with “anything”. Boundaries and lines might change as the dynamic progresses, but it should never be assumed to have changed, it should never be expected to change. Make sure that content you consume for the purpose of learning is coming from someone who cares about safety. The smutty books we read are FICTION. Understand that a healthy exploration of kink/BDSM doesn’t look exactly like it does in books. Sure, you can reenact some scenes, but you cannot skip these essential steps leading up to that point without incurring serious risk of harm.
With that, I’m going to wrap this blog post up! I’m a bit short on time this week, unfortunately. But, please remember that these five points are a starting point, not a finish line. Kink dynamics require a lot of thought and effort. At the bottom, I’ll include a few other resources (I’ve vetted these, but I still enourage you to vet them so you can get some practice with questioning things before trusting them) that might help you on your journey. Thanks a ton for dropping by Nerdology 101. I’ll see you back next week for our next segment. Until then, have a nerdy week!