Nerdology 101: Identity & Writing

The nerds have returned! Welcome back to Nerdology 101. I’m super excited for this weeks topic as it is, of course, one that is very personal to me. This week, I’ll be sharing with you my own experiences regarding identity and writing. Strap in because this is going to be a long post.

Why this topic?

Writing forces you to sit with the truth of who you are in some of the most unexpected ways. Even in the most fictioniest of fiction, it holds up a mirror that you can’t shy away from if you want to write something good. So, I chose this topic because right now, I feel like looking into that reflection and sharing it with my audience is a necessary thing to do. This blog is the best way to do that because it’s definitely NOT a topic designed for short-form content.

Why now?

Because when I sat down at my computer to write a blog post, this is the topic I felt drawn to. On the surface, there probably isn’t a profound reason I’m choosing to do it now. Though, on a more profound level, I think the context of my life, position as a writer, and the world in general is likely why the topic was drawing me in.

What are you mixed with?

In this instance, I am CHOOSING to share specifics because I feel that it’s relevant. Please remember, though, that in general, you aren’t owed answers to this questions or questions like it—and that “what are you?” is NOT an appropriate way to ask the question. If asked in that format, I will almost always say “your worst nightmare” (shout out to Mushu for that one).

Anyway, the simplified answer is Italian and Black. Anything else would be distant and unsubstantial to my identity and experience. I do say it in that order because it’s roughly a 75/25 split.

Being Mixed in General

So, a common issue for mixed people is that you exist outside of societal context. There’s never a clear space for you. In a lot of cases, this triggers a series of back-to-back identity crises that really isn’t healthy on any level. I experienced identity crises like this all throughout my childhood and teenage years. For the most part now, I have sorted that out internally (despite the worlds best efforts to make that impossible), but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still come up on occassion. It just means I know how to work through the internal chaos it triggers in a way that allows my identity to remain in tact, rather than being called into question by someone else’s lack of education.

Okay, so how does that carry over to your writing?

Well, for starters, the entire angel vs. demon plotline experiments with race. The demons are an obviously oppressed group with dark skin. The angels are group of people with light skin being used as weapons to uphold the oppression of demons. The gods are the ones who misinformed the angels in such a way that made the demons seem bad, thereby turning them into weapons of oppression, because it maintained the power of the gods. There’s a lot of specific context where I ask the reader to question how wrong the demons can really be for reacting to their oppression in ways that are frowned upon by other characters, as well as context where I highlight the fact that the angels being misinformed doesn’t automatically absolve them of harm they perpetuated once they know better, yet I still make it clear that these systems where created and designed by the gods who should ultimately be blamed for it. Now, there’s a lot of obvious real-world metaphor for race in that, but that’s not the only context in which race comes up for me as a writer.

There’s also the community aspect. Most readers at this point have heard the terms Booktok, Bookstagram, and even Booksky for Bluesky users. But, did you know there’s also online Black communities that focus on Black authors and readers—like Black Booktok, Black Bookstagram, and Black Booksky. Let me be abundantly clear about something before I continue: BLACK PEOPLE HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO WANT A SPACE WITHIN THE BOOKISH COMMUNITY SPECIFIC TO THEM. It’s actually out of respect for that space that I don’t use the language, tags, or keywords specific to these communities. My experience will never be equivalent to that of someone with darker skin. I am a light-skinned Mixed woman who could be white passing if she tried and is frequently mistaken for various kinds of Hispanic (I’ve heard Columbian, Mexican, Puerto Rican, everything under the sun.).

Here’s the point, though: There isn’t really a space specific to Mixed people in the book community. Just now, I pulled up IG on my phone and went like I was going to post. When I put in #MixedBooktok and #MixedBookstagram, nothing came up. When I put in #MixedAuthor, there were 272 uses of the hashtag. In contrast, #Booksta has 4,142,080 uses and #BlackBookstagram has 359,954. Now, I do use Booksta and BookTok tags and keywords, but that comes with it’s own challenges. It means that most frequently my books are being introduced to people that don’t specifically connect with the themes I’m writing. The odds of finding my audience are reduced dramatically in that context. What is already a highly saturated space where it’s difficult for an indie author to find their footing becomes an even steeper hill when you’re unable to direct content in a way that connects with the group who would be most invested in seeing a voice like yours thrive.

This isn’t anyone’s fault. My books can certainly be read by anyone of any race and I’m happy to have those readers too. It’s just the way these platforms work. Algorithms run by AI are probably not able to pick up on these nuances and therefore probably can’t send your books to the audience looking for them. Also, because these are short-form content platforms that only push popular content, anything made with the goal of connecting with a sub-audience that isn’t already established ends up being deemed irrelevant.

This sort of erasure is something I often see people hesitant to act on too. It doesn’t come off as malicious to me (most of the time). Rather, it comes from the question “who is this book for?” most of the time. We already have such a hard line in place. There’s been issues where white people who read about mythical creatures and can relate to them have said they can’t relate to Black characters. There’s also Black people who exclusively seek out books by Black authors because they know their community is that authors best chance at thriving—which is fair because Black authors are being pushed out of spaces dominated by white readers regularly. The clear division, though, leaves a limbo where Mixed people exist. Neither group is specifically seeking books by Mixed people. Mixed people usually aren’t even seeking out books by Mixed people because so many of us have been conditioned to feel like we have to “choose a side” often either go one way or the other.

For example, I say, “I’m Italian and Black” and a white person argues with me about how my Black family isn’t even fully Black because my several times great grandmother was Cherokee (we can’t even confirm that in any real way) and someone else generations ago was Irish and blah, blah, blah. Or, I say “I’m Italian and Black” and a Black person starts talking about the 1 percent rule and whether a kid is their mother or fathers race legally and so on—which are valid conversations about the history of race as a construct, how little it’s connected to one’s genetics, and how it’s been legal definition has been so erratic based on what is most convenient for racists at a particular moment—but ultimately does cause some pressure to identify in a certain way when these topics that come up every time a Mixed person mentions that they’re Mixed.

Thus, a lot Mixed people identify more strongly with one aspect of their racial identity than the other and are more likely to seek out books related to the aspect of their identity they identify with because of it. For me, that has always been the Black side because of the fact that I was almost entirely raised with and by my Black family and lived in primarily Black communities where I spent most of my time with Black people. This doesn’t have any impact on my ethnicity, but does greatly impact my racial identity because, as we should all know, race is a social construct that’s comprised of many factors including but not limited to ethnicity, culture, socialization, etc.

All of this is to say, these are things I’ve experienced and topics that have come up for me related to my race as a Mixed author. I’m sharing it based on what I’ve observed and how I percieve the overall bookish space. By sharing these experiences, I hope to create a space where other Mixed people (or literally any other POC) who wants to can share their own. Ultimately, these are all manifestations of a systemically racist society, which infects all spaces within said society, creating issues like this for all people of color. The book space did not create these issues, but they exist nonetheless and I think it’s important that all people of color are able to share the ways racism manifests for them in spaces they occupy.

Other Aspects of my Identity

I make no secret of the fact that intersectionality is a core value to me. For me, that value stems from a place of experience. In my life, I have experienced the crap end of a lot of issues including homophobia, bi+phobia, sexism, issues around mental illness, etc. While race was the primary topic I wanted to talk about today, I did want to add here that these are important issues to discuss as well. I’d like to address them more deeply in the future, but for now I’ll leave you with this:

Through it all, I love being an author more than anything. I adore the bookish community, but I believe there are many ways the community and industry need to grow in order for more diverse voices to thrive within it. Have the uncomfortable conversation. Read books by people who’s voices you don’t often listen to. Engage with content made by people who are different than you are. Support the people who need it. Even if it’s not me, find someone who might not see a clear space where they fit into this community and do something that amplifies their voice.

That’s all for this week’s segment of Nerdology 101. I hope you learned something. Check back again next week for another post. Until then, have a nerdy week!